


Love Me

by romanticalgirl



Series: Sexual Healing [4]
Category: Dawson's Creek
Genre: F/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-02-14
Updated: 2014-02-14
Packaged: 2018-01-12 07:16:02
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,390
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1183419
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/romanticalgirl/pseuds/romanticalgirl
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
      <p>Originally posted 11/9/00</p>
    </blockquote>





	Love Me

**Author's Note:**

> Originally posted 11/9/00

My body is tingling.

I’ve made a decision tonight, and it’s left me like this. Tingling and hot and shaking. It’s been a long time in coming, too. I read all the information the clinic gave me and I’ve been back there to talk to Bethany again. I asked her the same question I asked Pacey and she gave me the same type of answer.

Everything’s different. Everything’s different because you love people differently.

And I love him.

So I’m going to go to him and I’m going to tell him. I’m going to make him listen and make him understand that I mean it. Make him realize that there’s nothing between us except our own fears. And I’m going to break down those fears one by one until there’s nothing between us.

Nothing to stop us from making love.

 

~**~  
Pacey glanced up from his book as Joey walked in the room. His eyes appraised her, whispering their way up her long, tanned legs until they disappeared into her skirt. “Hey, Potter.”

“Hey.” She sat on the edge of the library table and slid back so her feet dangled a few inches off the floor. “What are you up to tomorrow night?” She crossed her legs, exposing a little bit of her thigh.

Pacey swallowed hard and shook his head. “I thought…I thought we were studying. Midterms and all that.” He dropped his hand below the table, reaching down to shift his rapidly growing erection. “If it’s not convenient for you…”

“Your place or mine?”

“Yours would probably be better. I mean, you probably need to help Bessie out since it’s a Friday and I’d hate to cause strife in the Potter household.”

“But there’d be a lot of interruptions.” Joey turned a little and leaned forward, dropping her voice as if she’d just been quieted by the librarian. Pacey looked up at her as she bent closer, his eyes wandering to the low cut of her sweater. He could see the lacy edge of her bra just peeking out from beneath the material. “At your house we wouldn’t have to worry about guests or Alexander or dishes or anything along those lines.”

“I still think…”

“Besides, they’re painting my bedroom, so we couldn’t really study there. And you need to concentrate.” She ran her hand through her hair, arching her back slightly. Pacey whimpered underneath his breath, adjusting his erection yet again. “So I’ll meet you there? Say about…six?”

“Sex…er, six. Right.” Pacey nodded dumbly as Joey slid off the table and walked away, her hips swaying seductively in her short skirt. Dropping his head on the table as soon as she was out of sight, he groaned inwardly. “I’m a dead man.”

~**~  
I’ve seen Joey Potter in many forms. I’ve seen her innocent and angry and sexy and alluring and in a bikini, but none of those prepared me for Joey Potter in vamp mode. What’s so unnerving about it was that she wasn’t dressed at all differently than normal. She was wearing typical Joey clothes, only they seemed to cling to her, wrap around her, seduce her like they never have before.

I’ve never been more frightened of an evening alone with someone.

It’s not because I don’t want what she’s offering. God, I think it’s obvious from the bulge in my pants exactly how much I want it. I’ve been sitting here for fifteen minutes since she walked out that door and I’m still hard as a fucking slab of granite, and it shows no signs of abating.

But I don’t want Joey to come on to me because she suddenly feels comfortable with sex or with her body or whatever. I don’t want to be with her because she wants to experiment with whatever kind of birth control she’s chosen. I want her to be with me because she’s as desperate for the contact as I am. I want her to want me as badly as I want her, as I’ve wanted her since the day I tried to walk out of her life.

I want to make love to her, and to do that; she’s going to have to love me.

And I don’t know if she does.

~**~  
“You’re what?” Jen raised both eyebrows as her eyes widened. “You’re kidding?”

“Nope.” Joey grinned. “I’m not kidding.”

“You’re sure about this?”

“I’ve never been more sure of anything.” After a long moment, Joey met Jen’s eyes. “Not even Dawson.”

“There’s no going back after this, Joey. And you’re not even dating right now. I think that seducing Pacey isn’t necessarily the best course of action here.” Jen leaned back in her deck chair, surveying the sprawling lawn surrounding the B&B.

“Jen, it’s been almost three months since we broke up. During those three months, we’ve spent pretty much every afternoon together. We’ve spent our time studying and talking and watching TV, doing everything but what we both really wanted to do, which was be with each other, kiss each other. Date each other.” Joey handed Jen a soda. “We’ve been playing boyfriend and girlfriend without any of the fringe benefits.”

“You’ve been building up the foundation of a relationship,” Jen nodded. “I’ll agree to that. But you don’t just go from spending time together to having sex.”

“We’ve done the in-between steps. Three months ago.”

“You have?” Jen’s eyes widened again. “You’ve done…all that stuff?”

“What do you mean?”

Forcing herself to swallow so she wouldn’t spit out her drink, Jen shook her head. “Tell me something, Jo. When you and Pacey were together, before this whole Dawson debacle, what did you do? In detail.”

“What?”

“I mean it. I know you did the kissing. I saw that enough times to know you guys had perfected your technique. What else?”

“What do you mean, what else?”

“Did he feel you up? Did you feel him up? Did he take off your shirt and bra? Did he go down on you? Did you go down on him? Did you give him a handjob? Did he make you come?” Jen ticked the list off on her fingers. “Did you do anything that might get you from kissing to intercourse in anything other than one long jump?”

“He touched me. We touched. A little.”

“Jesus, Joey.” Jen shook her head. “You can’t be this naïve. I mean, didn’t you and Dawson fool around? You and Jack? You and AJ?”

“There was some…”

“Jack posed nude for you. Surely there was some skin to skin contact.”

“We…some?”

“Joey have you done any of those things with Pacey? Has he ever taken his shirt off in front of you so that you could touch his chest? Have you ever felt his erection through less than four layers of cloth? There are a lot of things that you do to work your way up to intercourse. Ways to become familiar with each other, ways to learn what turns you both on.”

“What if he doesn’t want those things?”

“Trust me, Jo, those things are what makes the payoff in the end worth it.” Jen shook her head. “Take it slow, Joey. If you go in there tonight and straddle Pacey, going for the gusto, you’re going to miss out on a lot of things. Things that are pretty nice all by themselves.”

“So what should I do?”

“Just…” Jen shrugged and grinned. “Just touch him. I guarantee that Pacey will guide you through the rest of it.”

“I want to do it. I don’t want him to have to do this for me, show me the ropes.”

“He’s not going to give you a lesson plan, Jo. He’s going to tell you what feels good, just like you’re going to tell him what you like. You’re going to moan when he touches you just right and he’s going to hiss in his breath when you do something he likes a lot. It’s a tactile learning sensation, I assure you.”

Joey’s skin was flushed a deep red. “I’m not even close to ready for this, am I?”

“If you’re not, Jo, all you have to do is say stop.”

“What if he can’t?”

“He will. Because he loves you.”

Joey froze, her eyes filled with hope that she’d tried so hard to keep hidden. “You think?”

“Joey, he wouldn’t have stuck around these past three months if he didn’t. He has to be near you, can’t bear not to. To me, that says that he loves you. He’s willing to spend time with you even though it hurts him.”

“I hurt him?”

“It hurts to want someone that much,” Jen said softly, smiling knowingly at Joey’s sad look. “And I know you know that.”

~**~  
All my life I’ve viewed sex as this one, big, final act, sort of the coup de grace of any relationship only to realize, after my talk with Jen, that I really don’t know anything about it. About sex. About relationships even. I mean, why didn’t Pacey and I ever go to that point? Why didn’t I ever think to undress him? To touch him?

I know why he didn’t push it. I’m sure that he would have thought he was manipulating me or worse, trying to force me, simply by showing me how good everything could be. Maybe he was as afraid as I was that if I got a taste of something like that, that I wouldn’t be able to say no when it came to everything else.

Maybe I’m not as naïve as I pretend. I knew, didn’t I? I knew and just didn’t want to admit that there was so much further we could have gone without going all the way. But I know how persuasive Pacey can be – not just with his words, but with his touch, and I think I was scared that I wouldn’t be able to resist him. I wouldn’t want to resist him.

Afraid not because I didn’t want to have sex, but afraid because I did. And afraid that after all was said and done, we’d end up exactly like we are now.

Apart, alone and frustrated as all hell.

I’m still afraid of that. I’m afraid that I’m going to go to him and he’ll make love to me and then it will all be over. But I’ve gotten to the point that I don’t care if I don’t have him anymore so long as I can have him at least once. I need him. I need to taste him and hold him, kiss him and feel him inside me. The fantasy of him isn’t enough anymore. What I can do for myself is nothing compared to what I want from him, want him to do for me, with me.

Damn the consequences. As long as, for one night, he’ll love me.

~**~  
“So, tonight at six?” Pacey leaned against Joey’s locker, looking down at her with a glint in his eye. “My place?”

“Yup.” She peered at him through her lashes, biting her lower lip. “And don’t forget to bring the necessary items.”

“Items?” His eyebrow quirked up and he leaned in closer. “Such as?”

“History book, English notes, math book…”

“Whipped cream?”

Joey laughed, turning slightly. She stopped, breathless as she realized just how close they were. She could feel his breath on her lips, and her tongue ached to dart out and tangle with his. She swallowed hard and forced herself to step back, despite the overwhelming urge to step forward and lose herself in him. “Only if you’ve got cherries to go with it.”

“You’ve got the cherry, Potter.” Pacey brought his hand up to her chin and stroked the soft skin there for a moment with the pad of his thumb. “And I think we’ve already declared that particular delicacy off limits.” He gave her a small smile before stepping back. “So, I’ll see you then.”

“Okay.” She caught her breath as he put distance between them, giving her something besides his intoxicating presence to inhale. “That should be…”

“Hey guys.” They both turned to look at Dawson as he walked up to them. “What’s going on?”

“Nothing much,” Joey answered, grabbing the book she’d forgotten the moment she’d heard Pacey’s voice. “What’s the big rush?”

“Well, I was actually hoping to find you. Both of you.” He amended quickly, giving Pacey something resembling a smile. “Mom needs some help at the restaurant for a commercial they’re filming and I was wondering if you could help out? It’d be tomorrow night. It’s not a paying gig, but I understand there is free food involved.”

“I can’t,” Pacey admitted. “I’ve got to study. Midterms are the make or break when it comes to my academic career. Tell your mom I could send Doug though.”

“So I guess you’re out too, Jo?”

“No, I should be able to help.” She pulled another book out of her locker and placed it in Pacey’s arms before shutting the door. “Why would you think I couldn’t?”

“Well, I figured you’d be helping Pacey.”

“I’m helping him tonight.”

“Well, it’s common to assume that couples tend to spend the romantic weekend hours in each other’s company, even if it requires school work.”

“We’re not a couple.” Pacey gave Dawson a strange look.

“What?”

“We haven’t been dating for three months,” Joey added.

“You what?” Dawson gave them both a befuddled glance. “I thought…”

Joey shook her head. “I figured you knew. Everyone else knew.”

“Why didn’t you tell me? Either of you?”

“I thought she would,” Pacey admitted, starting to walk toward his class. The other two fell in step with him, heading down the hall.

“And I just never thought of it.” Joey smiled and broke away from them, entering her classroom. “See you later.”

“Later, Potter.” Pacey kept walking, aware of Dawson’s confusion. “I’m surprised she didn’t tell you.”

“So am I.”

“I thought you guys hung out.”

“Not so much lately. I’ve been working on school and at the restaurant.” Dawson looked over his shoulder to where Joey had disappeared. “Why did you guys…not that it’s any of my business.”

“You’re right, Dawson. It’s none of your business.”

“I didn’t mean…”

Pacey sighed and ran a hand through his short hair. “I’m not mad that you asked. I just…I just don’t have an answer for you. And I don’t owe you one.”

“I’m sorry.”

Pacey searched his eyes, looking for lies, for pity, for triumph and finding none. “Thanks, Dawson.”

~**~  
I can’t believe she never told him. I mean, I figured that the minute we were over she’d be back in his life, and yet today more than made it clear that Dawson hasn’t been a primary concern in her life. I mean, it’s been three months and he didn’t know.

He didn’t know.

In fact, if I hadn’t said anything, I don’t know that she would have. I don’t know what made me say it. Maybe it was just to reinforce it in my mind. Because things were getting intense at her locker, getting more intense, I suppose I should say.

I wanted to kiss her. God, I could taste her breath in my mouth and all I wanted to do was press her against the locker and slip my knee between her legs, hold her against me and kiss her until she couldn’t breath, until she begged me to make love to her.

Shit.

I’m getting really fucking sick of the perpetual hard-on. I mean, I thought it was bad before when Joey and I were dating, but then at least I had something to distract me from time to time. Now it’s like a constant throbbing reminder that I want Joey, want her buried beneath me, want to be buried inside her.

Deep breaths really don’t do a damn thing to get rid of an erection. Nothing at all. I’ve spent the past three months trying to think of topics that aren’t arousing, but I can’t manage to do it. Baseball. I imagine Joey in a baseball uniform, the tight pants outlining the curve of her ass, her nipples tight against the loose jersey. My dysfunctional family that is a direct result of unprotected sex. But then I think that even having a child like Doug would be worth it to be sheathed to the hilt in her heat.

I shake my head and force my eyes back to the book in front of me. There’s no way that I’m going to make it through tonight without disappearing into the bathroom for a few minutes. History be damned.

~**~  
Joey leaned against the doorframe and gave Pacey a slow smile as he opened the door. “Hey there, sailor. New in town?”

“My mother warned me about girls like you, you know.”

“She did?” Brushing past him, Joey made her way over to the couch and settled onto it. “And what did she say?”

“Watch out for girls like that. They’re trouble.” He sank down onto the couch next to her, hauling his English book into his lap. “They’ll use you, throw you away once you’re knocked up and then where will you be? Living in some trailer park selling blood just to get you through to the next welfare check.”

“I can see that life for you.” She reached over and grabbed the book from his lap, her fingertips grazing his thigh. “So, where are you on the reading?”

“I finished the play. I didn’t understand anything other than the names of the characters and the bit where Lady MacBeth went insane, but I read it.” His hand rubbed where she had touched him as he leaned closer, reading over her shoulder. “I mean the witches, the woods, the whole thing is unfathomable.”

“It’s not unfathomable. It’s about murder and betrayal and how lies come back to haunt you. Lady MacBeth going insane is the personification of that.” Joey ran her hand along the edge of the page and found the passage she wanted. She read it aloud, her hand slipping away and resting on Pacey’s leg. “She has no remorse in the beginning and so Shakespeare made her regret everything even more by having her selfishness come back to haunt her.”

“Oh.” His voice was breathy in her ear as he leaned in, his hand playing with her hair. “And the witches?”

“They’re like the Greek chorus. Foreshadowing, telling us what’s going on.” Her hand slipped higher, rubbing his thigh through his jeans, running the length of the flat muscle. “They give all the clues that everything is going to go wrong, that all the things that MacBeth thinks he has control over, all the things that he thinks he’s outsmarted have actually gotten the better of him.”

“Like the fact that he’s sure that the woods are stationary, only thinking literally?” His hand slipped down to her neck, rubbing the smooth skin with his thumb, caressing her.

Joey nodded, closing her eyes. “MacDuff was able to use his literal thinking against him at every turn.” Her hand ventured higher, stroking his erection through the thick denim of his jeans. “Which is why MacBeth is doomed. Shakespeare was very big on destroying people who thought they were above reproach.” She felt him respond beneath her, harden and pulse in time with her touches. “He was willing to destroy anyone who used power unwisely.”

“Then why did Lady MacBeth get off so easy?” His voice was deeper, huskier and his lips brushed her earlobe, his tongue a faint whisper against the skin.

“Her torment was worse, long lasting, because she was the most deliberate. MacBeth was her pawn. She was the driving force behind his destruction.” Joey turned her head, stilling when her lips were just a breath away from his.

“Shakespeare didn’t like women much, did he?”

Joey met Pacey’s dark blue eyes with her own, and shrugged, leaning into him, licking his lips with the tip of her tongue. “Right now, I couldn’t care less.”

~**~  
I’m leaning into him, pressing him against the arm of the couch, my hand wrapped around the hard outline of his erection through his jeans, my mouth open over his, my tongue tangling with his. Oh God, I never thought it could feel this good.

His hands are on my hips, holding my body against his, sliding around my back as he pulls me closer. I feel like I’m devouring him, feeding my hunger. My body is alive with sensation and I want to just get closer. I feel his fingers slip beneath my shirt and push it up just a bit. The heat that he sends through me with that simple touch ignites my blood and I have to pull away.

His eyes are glazed as he’s looking at me, glazed with hunger and lust and love and, undoubtedly mirroring my own. I’m straddling his hips, the pulsing heat between my legs resting against the base of his erection. I want to grind against him and watch his eyes roll back as he loses control, but instead he lifts my shirt, exposing my stomach and I shiver in the cool air.

He stops, his hands freezing on my skin. Warmth seems to extend from his fingertips, pushing into me, sending me higher. I reach down and grab the material and tug my shirt over my head, tossing it on the floor. What I’m doing – what I’ve just done, it doesn’t escape me. I did the same thing just over a year ago for all the wrong reasons. But tonight…tonight is right. It’s perfect.

It’s Pacey.

~**~  
“Oh…” Pacey moaned the words softly as Joey dropped her shirt. She was still wearing more than she had half the time on “True Love”, but it was the regal abandon that laced her every motion that made it more erotic, more arousing. Sitting up slightly, he wrapped his hands around her back and pulled her to him, his still clothed chest against her lingerie-clad one. “What are you doing here, Joey?”

“Seducing you, I think.” Her hands rested briefly on his shoulders before moving down to unbutton his short sleeved blue shirt. “Am I doing it right?”

He caught one of her hands and brought it down to his jeans, pressing it against his erection. They both groaned in unison and he nodded. “Very right.”

“I want you, Pacey.”

“The feeling’s mutual.”

She turned her hand over and caught his, bringing it up to rest on the curve of her breast. “You make me tremble. No one’s ever done for me before. And I don’t want anyone else to do it.”

“I want to…”

“I want you. No one else.” She tucked her finger under his chin and lifted it so that he was looking at her. “Never anyone else. Not since the day you kissed me by the side of the road.”

Pacey brought his other hand up to her chest, letting his thumbs run over the hard tips of her nipples. “You know we’re not ready for this.”

“I know,” she smiled at his surprise and leaned forward to kiss him quickly. “That’s why we’re not going to have sex.”

“We’re not?”

Joey giggled softly and placed her hands over his again, squeezing them so that he squeezed her. “Oh come on, Pacey. Don’t tell me I have to fill you in on the fact that there are a lot of steps between kissing and making love." He shook his head, letting her hands guide his motions, aching to thrust up against her and feel her heat against his cock. Joey closed her eyes and removed her hands, letting them run through her long hair as she arched into his hands. Pacey moaned once more and she opened one eye to peek at him. “Shall we take things one step at a time?”

“No,” He breathed, leaning forward and capturing her nipple in his mouth, worrying the hard flesh through the satin of her bra. Joey whimpered as he caught it between his teeth, teasing the tip with infinite care.

“Pacey…” Joey thrust down, unable to control the need to push against him, to feel his hardness beneath her. “Oh, Pacey…” The sound of a key turning in the lock wrested her attention from his hot mouth, his hard cock. “Oh shit.” She pulled away from him, grabbing her shirt and moving to the end of the couch in a quick rush.

Pacey sat there in a daze, unable to think, just barely able to keep himself from diving toward her and tasting her for real. The soft measure of his sister’s voice stopped him, kept him rooted to his spot. Grabbing his English book, he pulled it into his lap to hide the effect Joey had had on him and to keep up the pretense of studying.

“Hey you guys.” Gretchen snapped on one of the lights and smiled at them both. “How goes the studying?”

“Almost through MacBeth,” Pacey informed her.

“Great. Well, I’m having a friend over for a while, so you might want to move it into your room. If that’s okay, little brother.”

“Actually,” carefully avoiding looking at Joey, Pacey nodded. “I think we’re done for the night, don’t you, Jo?”

Her eyes were dark when they met his, confusion and hurt lingering in their murky depths. “I suppose.”

He stood up as she did, dropping his English book and moving behind Joey to avoid his sister’s sharp gaze. “I’ll walk you home.”

“I have the truck.”

“I’ll walk you out.” He guided her to the door and out to her car, not speaking at all. When they reached the truck, he took her hand and turned her to face him, trapping her against the cool metal. “I’m not going to continue our activities with my sister in the next room.”

“I…”

“I don’t want to stop, Jo.” He ran his fingers over her flushed cheek and down her long neck. “But I don’t want to just have sex with you.”

“You asking me out, Witter?”

He grinned; his blue eyes alight with something she hadn’t seen since that day he’d overheard her at the lunch table. “You sayin’ yes?”

“Nope.”

“No?”

Joey leaned into him, kissing him softly, lingeringly. “I’d rather stay in.”


End file.
